


I Would Love Nothing More

by BellamyBlakeGriffin



Series: Season 6 AU [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Becho break up mentioned, Bellamy stands up for Clarke, F/M, Fluff, Forgiveness, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 14:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19993510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellamyBlakeGriffin/pseuds/BellamyBlakeGriffin
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke have to figure out the aftermath of their long sleep. Except that Clarke feels as excluded from the group as ever.Bellamy won't let her pull away though.





	I Would Love Nothing More

Clarke got out of Bellamy’s embrace slowly and turned back to Jordan, who was looking at them with a small smirk on his face.

“I’m really sorry, Jordan,” she said, “This must be really hard for you, losing your parents like this.”

“I mean, I knew that that’s what I would wake up to, that they would be gone, but. Seeing these messages is really hard, yeah,” Jordan said, tears falling from his eyes. Clarke walked over to him and took him in a hug. After a second, he pulled away, “Anyway, I’m going to leave you two for a while, you should figure out what to do next, who to wake up.” He turned away and walked out of the room.

“Should we be leaving him alone?” Clarke asked, still looking towards the door Jordan had just walked out of. She felt Bellamy come up to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“He’s going to be fine, Clarke. We’ll find him again in a little while, but he’s right. We should be figuring out what to do. We need to find a way to get down there and think of who to wake first,” Bellamy said softly.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just a lot. We’ve been asleep for 125 years, Bellamy. And during that time our friends had a full life, but it feels like we just went to bed last night and woke up this morning. It’s hard to wrap my head around, I guess,” Clarke said, looking into Bellamy’s eyes.

“Yeah, I get it,” he said sadly, “At least they were happy, right?” Clarke nodded at that slowly, “So, I think we should get Shaw and Raven, at least. They’ll be better at figuring out the mechanical stuff, how to get us down there and everything.”

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, “We should probably wake up Murphy and Emori and Echo as well. They deserve to find out about Monty and Harper privately, not with the rest of the people. And you should have Echo here to support you.” Clarke thought she saw a weird look in Bellamy’s eyes for a second, but it was gone so fast, Clarke thought she must’ve imagined it.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I think it would be easier for us all if we could mourn a little bit on our own before getting everyone else involved,” Bellamy said, giving Clarke a small smile, “You want to wake up Madi? She would probably have an opinion on how to proceed.”

“I,” Clarke hesitated, she didn’t want Madi to have to be a leader, she was still so young. But she couldn’t deny that her daughter could have invaluable insight on what to do next, “I guess we should, yeah.”

“Okay,” Bellamy said, rubbing Clarke’s arm comfortingly, “So, we wake up Raven, Shaw, Murphy, Emori, Echo and Madi, first, then we figure out the rest.”

*** 

Clarke watched the group find out about Monty and Harper’s choice while holding Madi’s hand, feeling the little girl start to choke up the more videos played. Madi hadn’t known them for very long, or very well, but she’d gotten attached to all of the remaining delinquents really fast, since she’d been hearing about them since Clarke had found her.

She watched all of the people she’d considered family for the past six and half years cry over their lost friends and felt herself starting to cry again. But she couldn’t. She had to be strong for Madi. The little girl had a way of latching onto Clarke’s emotions since she had been alone with her during her most formative years, so Clarke had to make sure she didn’t show her desperate sadness.

She also had to make sure that Madi didn’t pick up on how Clarke felt about all of her friends hating her now. She would have to deal with all of these feelings wanting to make her heart explode on her own. In a sense, she was jealous of all the people she saw in front of her right now. They might have to mourn a deeper bond then Clarke ever had the chance to have with Monty and Harper, but at least they had each other to do it. 

Clarke had been in her head for a while, because the next thing she knew, the videos were over and all of Space Kru were in a big group hug in front of the window, looking down at their new planet. She wanted to join them, so bad, but she had a feeling she wouldn’t be welcome. 

Madi was still standing beside her, though, seeming to be in a daze. Clarke got down to her knees in front of her daughter, “Hey, Madi, you okay?” she asked. Madi snapped out of wherever she had been and looked down into Clarke’s eyes.

“I… I don’t know,” Madi said, still crying, “I, I want you to take it out.”

“Madi?” Clarke looked at her daughter, unsure of how to respond to that.

“I don’t want all the pain from thirteen other people in my head. I have enough of that on my own,” Madi said, shaking her head and looking down at her feet, “I know this is cowardly, but, I’m only thirteen, I shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. I don’t want to.”

“Madi, you’re not a coward for wanting to be a kid, but… when we were on Earth you were pretty adamant on being Commander. I don’t want you to do this when you just found out that you’ve lost two more people. I want you to think about it. Really think about it,” Clarke said, wanting her daughter to feel heard, but also not wanting her to do something in the heat of emotions. “Tell you what, let’s get a good night’s sleep tonight, then, tomorrow, we wake up Gaia. She can help you make this decision better than I ever could.”

“Ok, that seems reasonable,” Madi said. Clarke noticed her looking at the group longingly.

“Go, go see it up-close, it’s beautiful,” Clarke said with a sad smile. 

“Come with me?” Madi asked innocently, reminding Clarke of the little girl that she raised for six years on a deserted planet.

“You go,” Clarke said, tears coming up her throat, “I’m going to go see if I can find Jordan.” She attempted another smile, but it must’ve come across more like a grimace, because Madi just kept on looking at her with a worried look. Clarke pushed her towards the others and adjusted her expression to a wall practiced reassuring look, “I’m ok, go look.”

Madi walked to the window, but not without shooting another worried look Clarke’s way. Clarke watched as her daughter was engulfed into the group’s hug and turned to walk out of the door, heading towards god knows where. 

She wanted to find Jordan to make sure he was okay, they hadn’t seen him since he left them after Clarke and Bellamy had watched the videos. 

She walked around aimlessly until she found the boy, sitting on the floor of the algae farm. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” She asked him.

“As good as I can be, I guess,” he said, shooting her a small smile, “You can sit, if you want.” Clarke lowered herself beside him and took a deep breath.

“You don’t mind if I cry with you a little, do you?” She asked, her voice not totally rendering her attempt at humor. She couldn’t help herself but burst into sobs then.

“Hey, hey, of course you can cry,” Jordan said, putting his arm around her shoulders, “I know you cared about them, they cared about you too, you know. They didn’t just tell me about their time on the ring, they also told me stories about the great Clarke Griffin, leader of the 100 and the Sky People. They told me about what it was like to be up on the Ring without you and how happy they were to find you again.”

“Well, they must’ve also told you about how I betrayed them all right after they found me,” Clarke said, with a self-deprecating laugh.

“No, they told me the story of how the great Wanheda had become a mother in those six years and how she would’ve done anything for her child. They told me about how she must’ve felt pretty isolated from the people who were supposed to be her friends and that, in her place, if it had been me who was in danger, they would’ve done the exact same thing, no hesitation.”

“Really? They said that?” Clarke asked, a little bit of hope growing in her chest. If Monty and Harper had found it in themselves to forgive her, maybe the others could too.

“They said that, in the moment, they were pretty mad at you, but it only took a little while of thinking back and trying to see it from your perspective to realise that they couldn’t be mad at someone for betraying them when they had pushed her out and betrayed her themselves,” Jordan said, rubbing her arm. “I swear they loved you just as much up here as they did when you guys first got to Earth.”

“Thank you,” Clarke said, “Thank you for telling me all this. I…” She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t express how grateful she was to know that Monty and Harper had forgiven her, but she couldn’t get the others out of her mind, how they probably never would. She had never known anybody to hold a grudge like Raven or Murphy or any of them could. 

They sat in silence together for a while, just crying with each other. And then Clarke realised something, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I am making you comfort me when you are the one who just lost his parents, I am the worst person ever,” she exclaimed, suddenly feeling like an asshole all over again.

“It’s totally ok, Clarke. I’m glad you can talk to me. I have a feeling you don’t have that many people who are willing to listen to you anymore. And, I’m fine, or I will be. I knew what was waiting for me when I woke up. Honestly, I think I have been mourning my parents since the day I decided I would go into cryo at some point. This is still awful, but it’s not like it took me by surprise,” Jordan said, a new wave of tears coming out of his eyes. 

Clarke took him into her arms and squeezed him tight into a hug. This boy reminded her of his parents so much. Strong and kind and clearly loving. She was glad he was here. They couldn’t have Monty and Harper back, but at least they got a part of them in their son.

“Thank you, Jordan,” Clarke said, letting go of him, “I’m going to go see if Madi needs anything, will you be ok here on your own? You should really go meet the others, you know, they’ll be thrilled to meet you.”

“I think I need another minute, but I will definitely be over to the Control Room with algae for everyone in a little while,” he said, smiling a little at Clarke. She nodded at him and got up from the floor.

***

Clarke had gone on a little bit of a walk before going back to everyone else. She knew Madi would be ok, so she gave herself a moment to gather herself. She needed to put her walls back up. Be strong for her daughter and not let the others’ jabs get to her. 

She must’ve been walking for half an hour when she finally circled back to the control room. She took a deep breath and walked into the room, finding all of them scattered around the room, some crying, some talking, but all reminiscing on their time with Monty and Harper. Jordan wasn’t there though, so she was guessing he had needed more than a minute after their talk. She couldn’t imagine that talking about his parents was easy.

She spotted Madi, sitting with Raven and Shaw. Raven seemed to be telling them a story from their time on the Ring. Clarke didn’t want to interrupt, but she did want to hear, so she came closer, but not close enough to seem like she wanted to be part of the conversation.

She got to listen to Raven tell a story about Monty and Harper not being able to stay away from each other for months when they first got to the Ring for about 10 seconds before Madi chimed in,

“Clarke told me the story of when they started to be together one night when I was in a romance phase. They sounded like they really loved each other,” everyone tensed up at the mention of their time alone on Earth. Clarke didn’t think anyone had seen her yet, but they were clearly very aware of her presence now.

“They really did,” Bellamy said, obviously trying to diffuse some of the tension. Clarke was thankful, but she knew that nothing like that would work. Even he was uncomfortable with her around, she could feel it. He might’ve said that he had forgiven her for the fighting pits, but she knew deep down he was still furious with her. He had every right to be. Clarke hated herself for having done it too. She just wished he wouldn’t act like everything was okay when it obviously wasn’t. 

“Jordan will be in with algae to meet you all in a little while,” Clarke said, quiet, before turning back to the door and walking towards it. 

“Clarke, wait,” Madi said. Clarke couldn’t do anything but stop walking and turn towards her daughter, forcing a smile on her face, “You’re not going to eat with us?”

God, Clarke thought, Madi was still so innocent. She couldn’t read the stifling awkwardness in the room at the moment. She walked back to her daughter, kneeling in front of her, hoping the conversations would pick back up around them and they would stop paying attention to her.

“I think I need a little moment alone tonight, Madi,” Clarke told her daughter, hoping she would understand that Clarke was overwhelmed by so many people around her, “But, you should stay here and talk with everyone. You’ve spent way too much time with just me for your lifetime, don’t want you becoming too much like me,” she tried to joke, but it came out a little bit pained. She couldn’t believe herself in that moment, pitying herself in front of her daughter.

“I would be lucky to end up like you, Mom,” Madi said, determined. Clarke wanted to start crying again, Madi only ever called her mom when she sensed that Clarke was hating herself. It had happened many times over the course of their six years together. Clarke hated herself a little bit more and a little bit less every time it happened. 

“Still,” Clarke said, a genuine smile on her face for the first time in a while, “You should spend time with everyone, I just need some time to myself, okay? You know how I get.”

“Okay,” Madi said, still looking a little bit worried. But she did know that Clarke had a hard time being around people, for so many different reasons, and that it had only gotten worse with six years of it just being the two of them on a whole planet, “But you have to promise that you’ll come get me if you need anything. And I’ll find you when it’s time to go to bed.”

“I promise,” Clarke said, smiling at her daughter’s assertiveness, “and you better, you know I can’t sleep without my little furness.” Clarke took Madi into her arms and squeezed hard, before letting go and walking out of the room.

She ran into Jordan just outside the door, his hands full of bowls and a big pot of what she could only guess was algae. 

“Hey, you’re not eating with us?” He asked.

“No, I think it’s best if I sit this one out. But, I would take a bowl of that to go, if you don’t mind. I am pretty starving after 125 years of sleeping,” she said, joking a little bit.

“Sure! Just, help yourself,” Jordan said, holding out his hand full of bowls to her. Clarke took a bowl and opened the pot, getting a waft of the awful smell of the algae.

“Oh god, I know this is all you’ve ever known, but it smells awful,” Clarke said, smiling at the boy, “This is definitely going to be an adjustment for Madi and I. Actually, if I were you, I’d watch her take her first bite carefully, she has a history of strong reactions to foods she doesn’t like. It might provide you with a little entertainment.”

“I will, thanks for the tip,” Jordan said, smiling, “Have a good night, Clarke. Just find me if you need anything.”

Clarke smiled at the boy’s back as he walked into the control room. He really was a delight, just like his father. 

***

Clarke had just finished eating her algae, which really was disgusting, and she was now lying on the bed in a single room. Madi and her could share, they actually liked it better that way after the first year in the valley when they had to sleep in the rover while they were fixing up the little cabins.

Clarke’s fingers were itching for a pencil and some paper in this moment. Drawing had always been her escape, on the ark, on Earth, her whole life. But she didn’t have access to drawing materials right now. And she really needed it. It was the way she had always dealt with her feelings, and she had so many of them in this moment, her heart was about to explode. 

She had to settle for lying there and swimming in her thoughts, though. And she did, for an hour before she heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was probably Jordan - Madi wouldn’t’ve knocked - she got up and opened the door. But Jordan wasn’t who she found on the other side. 

Bellamy was standing there, looking worried and guilty at the same time. 

“Hey,” Clarke said, confused, “what are you doing here Bellamy?”

“I... “ Bellamy couldn’t seem to form words at the moment, which was odd, “Can I come in?”

“Huh, sure..” Clarke said, hesitantly. She got out of the way and he walked into the room. “What’s going on, Bellamy?”

“I think we should talk,” Bellamy said, not meeting her eyes, “And I want to start by apologizing. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel welcome tonight. You’re mourning just like the rest of us, it’s not fair that you have to do it alone because everyone is being rude.”

“Well, it’s not like they don’t have a reason to be rude. I did some pretty awful things.”

“So did I. So did everyone else,” Bellamy said, suddenly full of resolve and finally looking into her eyes, “We all seem to forget that you haven’t changed that much. You always do everything possible to protect the people you love most. I think we’re all just having a hard time accepting that we’re not those people anymore. Which is highly hypocritical of us, seeing as we’ve done nothing to show you that we still care about you since we’ve been back.”

“Bellamy, you don’t have to do this. I get it. You thought I was dead. You mourned me, you moved on. It’s not your fault that I wasn’t actually dead and that I’d been waiting for you for six years to come back to me. If anything, I’m the stupid one, thinking that you would come back and everything would go back to the way it was,” Clarke was practically crying now. She couldn’t believe she was telling Bellamy all this. She must sound so pathetic to him right now, “I’m sorry for everything I did. I needed to protect Madi because she is all I have. It doesn’t excuse everything I did and I don’t blame any of you for being mad at me. I hope, in time, you all find it in your hearts to forgive me, but I’m not holding my breath.”

“No, Clarke!” Bellamy exclaimed, “I am sorry. I am sorry for putting Madi in danger, I’m sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t care about you anymore. I do. I care about you and you have to stop apologizing for the fighting pits. You did what you had to do and I was mad, furious, because I thought it meant that you didn’t care about me. But, I know now that that’s not true. Madi told me you radioed me everyday I was up there. That made me realise that I had pushed you away and I had made you leave me. I should never have put the chip in Madi without us talking it out. Especially now that I know she wants it out.”

“Madi shouldn’t have said anything,” Clarke said, frustrated, “about the radio or the flame.”

“I’m glad she did,” Bellamy said softly, “It made me realise that we have all treated you like some stranger since we came back when we should have treated you like our friend, our family. No one even thanked you for your sacrifice. If you hadn’t stayed on Earth, we would all be dead. It’s not ok for us to resent you for reacting to the way we’ve been acting towards you,” Bellamy stepped closer to her, “No one should be expected to put people first when they won’t even treat her like a friend.”

“Bellamy, I,” Clarke tried to talk, but she didn’t know what to say anymore. She felt like he was letting her off the hook for things that she could never even forgive herself for. It didn’t seem fair. But she got a grip. She couldn’t let herself be swayed by his speeches when she knew that everyone else still hated her. “I understand that this is how you feel. But the others hate me for betraying all of you, and I can’t live with all of the people I consider family hating me. I know it’s cowardly, but I really don’t want to live like that. So, whenever we get down to the new planet and I know that everyone is safe, I’m going to go. Madi can come with me if she wants, but I won’t blame her if she doesn’t.”

“Clarke, no!” Bellamy walked right up to her, screaming at her, “You can’t leave us! You can’t leave me! I just got you back!” He seemed to deflate then, “I just… this can’t be the answer, Clarke. Aren’t you tired of being by yourself? You’ve got us back, you don’t need to be on your own anymore. I’m here for you now.”

“Alone is the only way I know how to be anymore, Bellamy!” Clarke said, desperately, “I think we’ve all seen that I don’t do well with people. I put everyone I come into contact with in danger. If I didn’t need Madi as much as I do, I wouldn’t give her the option of coming with me, but I don’t know how to live without her.”

“I won’t let you do this, Clarke! I can’t,” Bellamy said, determined, before walking out of her door. Madi was standing on the other side, clearly confused by the commotion.

“Are you okay Clarke?” Madi asked, clearly concerned.

“Yes, Madi,” Clarke said, with a sigh of relief, “I’m fine. Come in, we should go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Madi said, as she walked in and laid down on the bed, squeezing herself against the wall to give Clarke space to get in with her, “Is it weird that I’m exhausted?”

“No, Madi,” Clarke said, laying down and pulling the girl into a hug, “It’s been a pretty exhausting day, you should be tired, I would be more worried if you weren’t, honestly,” Clarke joked.

They kept chatting for a while, but it wasn’t long before they were both fast asleep.

***

“I have something to say,” Clarke said the next morning. She was standing in the doorway to the control room, facing all of Space Kru.

“Of course you do,” she heard Raven mutter under her breath. Clarke wasn’t sure if she was intended to hear it or not, but she couldn’t lose her resolve now, so she ignored her former friend.

“I want to wake up Gaia,” Clarke said, getting the exact reaction she was expecting from them, scoffing and eye rolling. “Madi expressed her desire to remove the flame to me yesterday, and I think that the best person to help her make that choice is Gaia. And if she keeps it, she’s going to need training that only Gaia can provide.”

“Oh,” Echo said, venom in her words, “Now you want to let her choose?”

“Yeah,” Raven chimed in, “I thought you were more on the shock collar train for parenting techniques.” Clarke flinched at that one. In all that happened on Earth since Eligius came down, she hadn’t only hurt these people, she had managed to hurt her daughter as well.

“Look,” Clarke said, getting her bearings, “This is not me asking for permission. Or for you to understand. I just wanted to let you guys know. But you can’t stop me from waking her up. This is for my daughter and you may not think that I should be a parent, with everything I have done, but Madi is my priority. Has been since I met her and will be until the day she doesn’t want to be. I don’t want to make you guys hate me any more than you already do, but this is something I need to do for Madi and I don’t think that it puts any of you in danger, so this is just me letting you all know, as a courtesy.”

“It’s fine, Clarke,” Bellamy said, “Of course you should wake Gaia up.”

Clarke nodded once and turned back on her heels, walking out, leaving the room in complete silence. She walked to the cryo chambers and found the person she needed. She pressed a couple of buttons, and stood in front of Gaia’s pod, waiting for her to thaw.

***

Clarke was exhausted. She had woken Gaia up that morning, explained the situation to her, then waited for hours while Gaia and Madi talked everything through. 

Madi had decided to take the flame out after all. She told Gaia that she wanted it destroyed after it was out. She said that the Commanders in her head all agreed, the time of Heda was long passed. The flame needed to be out of the picture if anyone of them ever hoped to be at peace.

So that’s what they did. Jordan showed them to the med bay and Gaia prepared Madi for the procedure. 

It took the whole day to prepare Madi and then take that damned chip out of her head. Then, when it was finally out and had been floated by Gaia, they had to wait for Madi to come to. Which was the most nerve wracking three hours of Clarke’s life.

Not only was she worrying about her daughter and whether she would wake up from this, but she now also had nothing to focus on but her own thoughts. She’d had plenty to do all day, but now. All she could do was think back on her conversation with Bellamy. 

She really hadn’t meant to tell him about her plans to leave the group. She knew he would react badly if he knew, and he had only proven her right, exploding like he had last night.

But then, this morning, he had acted just as civil as he had been since he’d told her he forgave her for the fighting pits. This man was an enigma. 

He didn’t used to be. Before Praimfaya, Clarke could read Bellamy like the back of her hand. She knew the meaning behind his every expression and mannerism. But since he’d landed again, it was like he was a stranger again. He’d changed so much in the six years they had been apart. 

She had been so deep in her head that she didn’t notice when Madi woke up. Clarke was sitting on a chair beside the bed the girl was unconscious on when she startled at the feeling of a hand on her arm. 

“Madi?” Clarke said, blinking out of her thoughts and, looking down at her daughter, “Hey, how are you doing?” she asked, softly.

“I,” Madi tried but choked a little bit at the pain in her head.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Clarke reassured the little girl, “you’re head is going to be in a lot of pain for a while, okay? Your mind has to get used to having all that space again,” Clarke joked lightly. Madi smiled a small smile before frowning again at the pain. Clarke tried to get up, bt Madi grabbed her hand before she could, “I’m not going far, Madi, I just want to get some medicine for you. It’s going to help with the pain, ok?” Madi nodded slightly and let go of her hand. 

Clarke went to get the pills and a big glass of water before coming back to Madi’s bedside and helping her gulp down the pills. As soon as the drugs took effect, Madi fell back asleep. She sat back in her chair and held Madi’s hand for hours while the girl slept soundly, painless for just a little while. 

Clarke was just about to fall asleep herself when she heard someone walk in the door. Thinking it was probably Gaia wanting to check in on Madi, Clarke shook herself out of her slumber and sat up a little. She looked to the door and found Space Kru standing in the door.

“Is she ok?” Emori asked, tentative.

“Yeah,” Clarke said, turning back to her daughter, “She woke up earlier, but she was in so much pain, I gave her some pills to help and she went back to sleep.” She was speaking quietly, not wanting to wake Madi up. She looked so peaceful, Clarke was reminded of nights spent under the stars, telling stories and sharing hugs. 

“That’s good,” Raven said, soft but clearly not completely at ease, “That’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” Clarke said, “She’s going to be in pain for a while. And she’s going to be tired, it’s to be expected. At least that’s what Gaia said. I remember the headaches,” Clarke said, more to herself now than to the other people in the room, “they were awful. I… she shouldn’t have to go through this,” Clarke was crying again now. Wishing she was alone on Earth again, she spoke up, “Can you guys go, please?” she asked.

She wasn’t looking at them, but she thought she heard everyone leave. She just wanted to cry alone. But then she felt a hand on her shoulder and startled.

“Wha-?” she turned and saw Bellamy standing over her.

“Hey,” Bellamy said, his face falling even more at the sight of her crying face, “Are you ok?”

“I really just want to be alone right now Bellamy,” Clarke said, looking back to Madi, avoiding eye contact with him.

“I don’t think you should be, honestly,” Bellamy said, pulling up a chair to sit beside her, “And I don’t think you really want to be. Clarke, you’ve been alone so long, I think it’s the only way you know how to be now. But you don’t have to be anymore, you have me, you have all of us now.”

“You’re right, Bellamy, I don’t want to be alone. I never wanted that. But you’re also wrong. I don’t have any of you. You guys have each other, but I don’t. All of them hate me for what I did. And so do you, you just won’t be honest with yourself. But it’s okay, because I can do this on my own. Turns out, I can do anything on my own, including taking care of my daughter.”

“I don’t hate you, Clarke. I told you, you’re forgiven for leaving me in Polis. You’ve been forgiven, I don’t know why you just won’t accept it. I did some pretty awful things too, you know,” Bellamy said, averting his eyes from hers guiltily, “I’m the reason Madi’s in this situation in the first place. If I hadn’t convinced her to take the flame, she wouldn’t be in all this pain right now, and you wouldn’t be either.”

“I’m not going to pretend that I liked what you did. Or that I am not mad at you for putting my daughter in danger. She’s all I have, I need to keep her safe. But I get it. You had to save the people you love no matter what. Like I said last night, it wasn’t fair of me to expect that you would come back and things would go back to the way they were. I think it’s just time we both accept that whatever we were to each other before Praimfaya is gone. You moved on, it’s time I did too,” Clarke said, her heart hurting more than it ever had. She needed to say these things, she had to make him let her go to keep her sanity. 

Clarke was well aware of the depth of her feelings for Bellamy. She was in love with him. She had been for so long, she didn’t remember what it was like to not love this man. And maybe, at one point, he felt the same. But she knew that he had moved on, she knew that he didn’t feel that way about her now. 

“Clarke, I will say this until you are finally ready to hear it, I care about you. I care about you just as much as I always have. I don’t want to let you go, I don’t want you to leave us, I need you,” he said, turning to her and grabbing the hand that wasn’t in Madi’s.

“No, you don’t. You don’t need me anymore Bellamy. You did good up on the Ring without me. You obviously kept everyone together and you found happiness. I want you to have that, and you could never have it with me around. When I’m in charge, people die, remember?” Clarke said, it was painful, but it was necessary, “I can’t be the reason you or anyone loses anyone else.”

“I don’t want any sort of happiness that doesn’t involve you, Clarke,” Bellamy said sincerely, “Clarke, I wasn’t ok on the ring. I was destroyed for the first three years up there. I was so sad and angry that you weren’t up there, I couldn’t function. And then, Raven talked some sense into me and I threw myself into Echo to forget my pain and I put my heart away. I did what you told me to do and used my head and that’s when I became the leader that you saw. I need you, because I’m not the head, I can’t be. I was miserable. You are my head, and I’d like to believe I’m still your heart. Just like it’s always been.” Bellamy was looking at her with so much love i his eyes, she couldn’t take it.

Clarke made to get up and away from him, unable to bear that look from the man she loved who loved someone else. But once again, a hand in hers kept her from getting too far. Clarke looked down to see Madi’s eyes opened, looking at her.

“Mom, don’t go,” she said softly, “You have to listen to Bellamy. You both deserve to hear what the other has to say.” Clarke was startled by her daughter’s insightful words.

“How long have you been listening young lady?” Clarke asked, laughing a little through her tears.

“Long enough to know that you should stop using your head for once and speak from your heart,” Madi said and, at Clarke’s look, said, “Come on, it’s not because the Flame’s out of my head that I’ve lost all of my wisdom. Now, I’m going back to sleep, you two talk.” She turned her head and promptly fell back asleep. Clarke knew how Madi was when it came to sleep, she fell into it before her head even hit the pillow most nights. Clarke turned back towards Bellamy.

“Well, I guess the Flame doesn’t really make the Commander after all,” Clarke tried to joke, probably coming across more as pinched and awkward.

“We should really listen to her then, huh?” Bellamy said, his teasing tone actually landing, “Do you mind if I start?”

“Go ahead.”

“I broke up with Echo before we went into cryo,” Bellamy said and Clarke sucked in a breath in surprise, “She was my escape when we were in space, and I did love her. But, I couldn’t lie to myself, or to her anymore. The second Madi told us you were still alive I knew that I couldn’t stay with her. You are the only one I want, Clarke. You are the woman I love and want a future with. I don’t want you to leave once we get to the ground, but if you do, I’ll come with you. I’ll come with you and Madi and we can be a family.”

“But…” Clarke said, confused, “what about the others? They’re your family.”

“I would always rather be with you Clarke.”

“I don’t want you to make that kind of sacrifice for me, Bellamy. I love you too much to be the cause of any more of your pain. I love you and that’s why I wanted to leave. Well, that and every other person I care about hating me. But, the thought of seeing you happy with someone else, it kills me,” Clarke said, looking down at her hands, embarrassed. She found herself staring though. She liked the look of this, one of her hands in Madi’s and the other in Bellamy’s. 

“You don’t have to, because you are the only person I could ever be happy with,” Bellamy said, softly. He brought his other hand to her chin, tilting her head up to look into her eyes, “Please tell me that you believe me,” he pleaded.

“I do, Bell, I believe you,” Clarke said, a tear slipping down her eyes. “And I won’t leave. I can face anything with you by my side,” she added, smiling up at him. “I love you, Bellamy Blake.”

“I love you too,” Bellamy said, smiling back at her. They stared into each other’s eyes for a little while before Bellamy’s eyes slipped down to Clarke’s lips. Clarke felt her heart flutter and she decided she had to be bold. 

Clarke surged up and pressed her lips on his. She thought he might not respond right away, but she was wrong. The second their lips touched, Bellamy was devouring her, taking his hand out of hers and grabbing her face, pulling her closer.

They kissed and kissed, barely coming up for breath for a second every once in a while before diving right back in. They had waited so long for this, it was like they were both dying of thirst and the other was the last canteen left on this spaceship.

After what could’ve been minutes or hours, they heard Madi stir on the bed. Clarke pulled herself out of Bellamy’s arms reluctantly and turned towards her daughter who was now looking at them with a big smile on her lips.

“Hey Madi,” Bellamy spoke first, “Thanks for making Clarke talk to me, I owe you.” Bellamy winked at the little girl.

“I did it for Mom,” Madi said. Clarke’s heart warmed at the name. Madi had probably called her it more since the others had come down than she had in the last six years. “You deserve to be happy,” Madi continued to Clarke, “And I know that Bellamy is who can do that for you. And you,” Madi let go of Clarke’s hand, reaching for Bellamy’s, “I know you will make Clarke happy, or you’ll have to answer to me.” Madi was almost laughing at her own joke.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way. And as much as I love your Mom, she’s not my only priority now,” Bellamy said, making Clarke cry again, only this time with happiness, “I want you to know that I want to get to know you. I already kind of love you, you’re strong and loving and hot-headed, just like Clarke, now I want to know all the parts of you that are just yours, all the parts I haven’t gotten to see yet.”

Madi sat up then, making Clarke jump up to help her, “Come on Bellamy, I want a group hug,” Madi said.

“A family hug, you mean,” Clarke said, tears still in her eyes and in her voice. She kissed the top of Madi’s head as Bellamy wrapped them both in his arms.

They stayed that way for a moment, before Madi started feeling the pain again and Clarke went to get her more meds. Clarke and Bellamy sat back down in their chairs and the three of them talked for hours again, before all of them gave into exhaustion, Madi’s hands in Clarke and Bellamy’s and his other arm around Clarke’s shoulder. 

They really were becoming a family.

***

Clarke came to in Bellamy’s arms. Literally.

He was carrying her while walking down the hallway she knew led to the sleeping quarters.

“Hey,” she said, soft and sleepy, “Where are we going?”

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,” Bellamy said, looking down at her with soft eyes, “Gaia woke me up in the med bay and suggested that we go get some real sleep in a real bed. I protested, but she said she’d stay there with Madi until morning and would come to get us up if Madi woke up.” They were at a door by then, but not Clarke’s room’s door. 

“This is not my room, Bell.”

“No, it’s our room,” Bellamy said, pointed. “It’s actually two rooms. One for us, and one for Madi. They’re connected by a door,” He said, putting her down to open the door. “I know you wouldn’t want to be too far away from her, so I found this room earlier while you were with Gaia and Madi,” he sounded sheepish then, “Call it wishful thinking, I guess.” Clarke laughed a little, but then she couldn’t help herself from taking him into her arms and kissing him at that.

“How about we go in, huh?” Bellamy said, pulling away from her mouth before they could get too carried away while standing in the hallway.

“Ok,” Clarke said, pushing open the door.

“Wait,” Bellamy said, keeping her from walking in, “When we were on the Ark, my mom only ever had enough money to buy one movie. I can’t remember what the name was, but, in it, a couple got a new house and the husband did this thing,” he looked down at his hands, clearly embarrassed, “I always thought I would do the same whenever, if ever, I got married and got new quarters. Now, we’re not married, and this isn’t the quarters we’ll be living in for the rest of our lives, but Clarke, whatever I imagined when I was a kid, this is so much better. I love you and I will be with you as long as you’ll have me. So,” he looked back up at her and smiled softly before surprising her by picking her back up into his arms and stepping into the room.

Clarke laughed full bellied at his shenanigans. She tightened her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck.

“I love you too, Bell. If you let me, I will have you forever. I’ve loved you for so long, I’m not planning on ever letting you go,” Clarke murmured into his neck. Bellamy gently placed her down on the bed in the room and climbed up on top of her, framing her face with his forearms.

“Clarke, I don’t know, in this new society we’re creating, what marriage will even mean anymore. Or what lifelong commitment will look like. But, whatever it is, I want it with you. So, since I don’t know exactly what to ask for, I’ll just ask this,” Bellamy pressed his forehead to hers before asking, “Clarke Griffin, will you love me forever?”

“I will,” Clarke said, through tears. Then, teasingly, “But only if you will love me forever too.”

“I promise to love you until the day I die,” Bellamy answered through his own tears before leaning down to kiss her with all the passion and love they had both been holding inside since they had fallen in love with each other.

***

What was probably hours later, Clarke woke up naked and entangled in Bellamy’s arms to knocks sounding on their door. She looked up at Bellamy’s still sleeping face, smiling at his peaceful expression. Not wanting to wake him, Clarke tried to move out of his arms to dress and answer the door. But he only wrapped his arms tighter around her at her movement. 

“Hey,” Clarke said softly, abandoning her earlier mission to not wake him up, “There’s someone at the door. You have to let me go so I can see what it is.”

“No,” Bellamy murmured groggily, “I’m not letting you go.” Clarke was so smitten with this boy, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“You have to Bell,” she said, teasing, “Unless you want whoever that is to walk in right now and find us in this very compromising position.” Bellamy finally opened his eyes and looked down at her.

“Huh,” He huffed, dropping his head back on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling, “Fine.” He loosened his grip on her and let her get up. She grabbed his shirt and her pants from the floor and pulled them on, not missing the darkening in Bellamy’s eyes at the sight of her in his clothes.

She walked to the door and opened it.

“Hi,” Clarke said, finding Jordan on the other side of the door, “What’s up?”

“Oh hey,” Jordan said, “I was actually looking for Bellamy. I thought this was his room.”

“It is. Just, give me a sec,” Clarke said. She closes the door and turns back to Bellamy, “Jordan’s looking for you. You’re going to have to get up and dressed,” she told him with a smile. 

“But I really want to stay here, in bed, naked, with you,” he said, petulant while getting up and pulling on his pants. He opened a drawer and pulled out a new shirt, “But I guess we have to deal with everything happening outside that door.” He dropped a peck on her lips on his way to the door and stepped out, leaving to deal with whatever Jordan was here to talk to him about.

Clarke decided to go check on Madi in the med bay.

When she got there, Madi was just waking up with Gaia still sitting at her side.

“Hey guys,” Clarke said, coming up to Madi’s bed and sitting on the side of it, “How are you doing Madi?” Seeing that Clarke was now there to watch over the girl, Gaia got up and left the room.

“Good. I think the headaches are starting to get better,” the girl said, smiling up at Clarke, “What about you? Everything ok with Bellamy?” Madi looked a little bit worried, clearly noticing the man’s absence.

“Yes, everything’s good. Jordan needed him this morning, but I’m sure he’ll be by at some point,” Clarke said with a big smile.

“Good, I’m glad you two worked things out.”

Clarke took the little girl’s hand in hers and squeezed. She was glad to see that Madi was happy for her and Bellamy. She knew the girl had gotten used to it being just the two of them, so Clarke had been scared that Madi wouldn’t be open to the idea of their little finally expanding. 

“He got us new rooms. One for you and one for him and me. They have a connecting door so that you can always come see me if something’s wrong. I hope it’s okay that we won’t be sharing a room anymore.”

“Of course, Mom,” Madi said, “I’m thirteen now, I want my own room,” Madi said, humor in her voice, “Besides, I didn’t push you and Bellamy together so that we could remain just the two of us. Not that just you and me isn’t great, but I know how much better it’s going to be with Bellamy. He makes you happy.”

Clarke pulled Madi up into a sitting position gently and pulled her into a hug.

They held each other for a while and, when they pulled apart, Madi had a big smile on her face.

“So, when can I see my new room?” she asked.

“Let me just check a couple things, and if you’re well enough, I can take you there right now,” Clarke said, getting up from the bed. 

She checked Madi’s vitals and brain activity. Everything seemed to be ok, so Clarke helped Madi up, but the girl seemed pretty stable on her feet. 

They started a slow walk towards their new sleeping quarters. Unfortunately, that walk took them past the control room. They heard the voices before they saw who was in there. 

Clarke and Madi both turned towards the room when they came up at the door. Echo, Raven, Murphy and Emori were standing in a semi circle and talking to Bellamy, who was sitting in a chair facing them all.

Talking wasn’t the right word to describe what they were doing, though. They were more like yelling at him, but not loudly.

Clarke could feel the tension and anger coming off of everyone in the room. She knew her and Madi should just keep walking, but then she heard her name coming out of Raven’s mouth as if she was talking about the most disgusting thing she’d ever eaten. She couldn’t help but listen after that. Madi was still standing beside her, her stance having gone from thirteen year old girl to commander in a fraction of a second. 

“Bellamy, she left you to die,” Raven as saying now, even angrier than before.

“And she betrayed all of us,” Echo added, “How can you forgive that?”

“I don’t know, Echo, maybe the same way I forgave you for almost killing both my sister and Clarke, and actually killing Gina and plenty more of my people?” Bellamy spoke up, now, his voice harsh, “She may have made some mistakes, but you all seem to forget that we all have too. Remember the dropship days, Murphy? Or the burglar and the nightblood Emori? Or being willing to bomb Eden with all of us in it so that McCreary wouldn’t cut Shaw’s leg off, Raven?” Clarke winced at his jabs, “You all also seem to forget that she has saved us more times than I can count. Certainly more times than she’s betrayed anyone,” Clarke saw him getting up from the chair, standing tall, “You guys may think that you’re better than she is, but all she did was try to her daughter safe. Can we really blame her for not thinking of us as family when we came back and treated her like an outsider? She thought that she didn’t have anybody but Madi, so she did what she had to do to protect her. I know that feeling way too well,” before Bellamy could say anymore, Clarke stepped into the room and finally made her presence known.

“Hi,” she said short. Everyone turned to look at her, clearly surprised by her sudden appearance, “I can take you all being rude and hating me, but I will not let any of you act this way towards Bellamy,” she added, walking to stand beside him and place a - hopefully - calming hand on his arm, “I may have done terrible things to all of you, but Bellamy has been nothing but a good leader and friend to all of you. If you want to yell at someone, yell at me, I’m the one that deserves it.”

Bellamy was looking at her, but Clarke couldn’t read the look in his eyes.

“No,” he said loud, “This stops. All of it. This hypocrisy of yours. If I hear any of you being hateful towards Clarke,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “you will be punished. I don’t know how yet. Whatever we figure out when we get to the ground, that’ll be it. But I will not hear any of this any longer. I need all of you to get down from your high horses because no one here is innocent. Or a moral compass. We all do what we think is best all the time. And I don’t see any of you stepping up to make any of the choices that Clarke has had to make to save all of our asses. So stop acting like you’re better than her, you’re not.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke said, soft, so that only he would hear, “you don’t have to do this. Don’t alienate your family for this. I can take it.”

“I don’t want you to have to,” he said to her. Then, he turned to all of the others, “This is non-negotiable. Clarke and I are together now. We may have spent six years in space together, but that’s not what makes us family. What makes us family is love and respect. You all being this hypocritical and oblivious to your own wrong doings is making me lose all respect I have for you. Clarke is my family, Madi is my family, and if you guys want to stay family, you’ll do some much needed self-reflecting.” Bellamy was almost crying now, saying all of this clearly upsetting him. 

Clarke suddenly didn’t care about the other people in the room. She took Bellamy into her arms and squeezed hard. She was extremely grateful that he was standing up for her to his friends, especially since it was so hard for him.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered into his ear, “I love that you want to stand up for me. I love you, thank you for loving me back.” 

Just as she went quiet, she felt a small arm wrap around her waist. She looked down and smiled at the sight of Madi hugging around both her and Bellamy. She pulled one arm from around Bellamy to place it around her daughter before looking back up and finding Bellamy’s eyes full of wonder.

“Thanks for standing up for my mom,” Madi mumbled into their sides.

“Always,” Bellamy said, “for both of you, anything.”

“Bellamy, I,” Emori was saying, choked, “I’m sorry. Clarke, you saved my life. You certainly didn’t have to, but you did, multiple times. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. Even if I don’t agree with your choices, I don’t have to act like you’re an enemy. You’ve always given me the courtesy of respect, I should be giving you the same.”

The girl walked out of the control room, soon followed by Murphy, but not before he stopped in the doorway and, looking down to his feet, said, “I’m sorry Clarke, I’m an asshole, we all are.”

Clarke wanted to laugh at the boy’s statement. She pulled herself out of her family’s embrace to turn towards the two remaining girls.

“I’m not expecting either of you to forgive me any time soon. After all, I’ve been the cause of more suffering for you two than for anyone else, probably ever. But I’m hoping that we can be civil with each other, if only for the others’ sakes. I’m hoping we can be friends someday, but I know that won’t happen in the near future,” Clarke said, making every effort to stay calm. If she ever hoped for all of them to be a friends again, she had to keep her cool.

Both of them walked out of the room, expressions still blank.

“You shouldn’t give them a pass like that. If anyone has anything to feel guilty for, those two surely do,” Bellamy said. Clarke turned back to him and Madi and smiled.

“Maybe, but I need to give them the chance to come to that conclusion on their own. Me blowing up or being mad would only make things worse.”

“Wow, can’t believe Clarke Griffin is being the bigger person right now,” Bellamy teased, “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Haha,” Clarke laughed sarcastically while walking back to him and Madi, “I’m just trying to do better”

They had another tight family hug before Madi pulled away a little with a giddy smile on her face.

“Can I see my room now?” She said, sounding like the child she should be, “Please?”

Clarke and Bellamy looked into each other’s eyes, smiling at the girl’s excitement.

“Of course you can,” Bellamy said, happy, “But don’t get too used to it, we should be down on the new planet in the next few days.”

Madi ran out towards the sleeping quarters, but when Clarke went to follow her, Bellamy held her back. He wrapped his arm around her waist and spinned her back into him.

“When we get down to the new planet,” he whispered into her ear, “first thing I want to do is marry you.” Clarke smiled down to the ground before turning in his arms to face him. Their eyes met and Bellamy’s went from her eyes to her mouth a couple times. 

Right before their lips met, Clarke whispered, “I would love nothing more.”


End file.
